What is Community?

September 17, 2023 [Brooklyn, NY]

At the beginning of the year, I set an intention to tap into and build ‘community’. I didn’t think too much about how I defined the word or how I would measure it, but I felt compelled that it was my word (mission) for the year.

Why community? Maybe it was coming out of isolated times or seeing myself and those around me change and wondering where I fit in. Maybe it was trying to be seen or figuring out where I belong in this new and sometimes challenging world. Maybe it was trying to be saved from doing the work - finding distractions so that I didn’t have to go deeper into me. Or maybe it was about finding people I can go deeper with.

None of these feelings could be directly addressed by community, per se - but something about the word felt like it encompassed the fulfillment of all of the things I wanted.

I think at the time community meant a singular place where I can be me - all parts of me - and have meaningful connections and conversations with like-minded and diverse individuals.

I’m not exactly sure why I felt like that was missing. Because as far back as I can remember, I had been surrounded by communities. My grandparents created a community in the city of Passaic, NJ when they immigrated from India. They were one of the founding members of the Darji Samaj (a community of Tailors), where I spent my summers performing dances to Bollywood hits. My parents built a community of South Asians around them when they moved to Scranton, Pennsylvania. I have countless sisters, brothers and cousins! When we moved to Moscow (in Pennsylvania), I was part of the drama club and the cheer community. At UMich, I became part of the broader football and sorority communities. Honestly, the list goes on and on - from Bschool at Columbia to the Employee Resource Groups at work to my camp at Burning Man (shout out to Tierra Bomba!). I’ve never really not been part of a community.

So why at the beginning of this year the sudden urge to make it my word?

I still don’t know the answer. But I do have a deeper and broader sense of what the word means to me now. And a lot more thoughts about how to reach what I want.

Community is one place to feel connected, to be seen, to feel belonging, to find safety, etc. In my experience, community is a beautiful safe haven. When all the dots connect, it can be a powerful form of collective energy.

But at times, community can also be exclusive. It can be righteous. It can be rigid and inflexible. It can delay you from experiencing your true self. When community becomes these things, it can create a feeling of “other” - not only for people not part of the community but sometimes even for people within it.

For someone who wants to be part of something, but also be independent at the same time, I have found it challenging to be part of only one community. Or to create one singular community that encompasses all parts of me. I’m realizing for me - at this point in life, I crave depth and diversity - which can mean dipping my toes in a lot of different pools. I want to be accepted and also challenged (of course, in a respectful way).

So, I’ve broadened my definition. It’s not about ONE community for me. It’s about engaging genuinely with a lot of different communities - maybe even some that are diametrically opposed (because honestly are we even human if we aren’t paradoxical in some sense?).

I’m realizing that right now I’m looking to grow, to adapt, to listen and hold space for other humans. I am super curious! I’m showing up to listen, to converse and walk away more informed about the world and you.

The key for me will be authentically engaging in these communities. The choice of how much and how frequently I interact completely up to me. I’m most excited to bring all the communities together. What magic I’ve seen when I’ve done this before!

I mean how could all of our lives’ path lead us to such different conclusions? I am so fascinated by that.

I also acknowledge how privileged and lucky I am to observe, interact and participate in this way. Immense gratitude to all the communities who have helped shape and support me over my entire life.

If you’re looking for community, my advice - think about what it means for you, what you’re searching for and have an experimental mindset as you define and discover. And as you grow, don’t be afraid to let go!